My Bleeding Brains

September 16, 2009

words from underneath a furrowed brow

Filed under: Uncategorized — eeplebert @ 3:24 pm

It’s not surprising that I had yet another exchange of the ‘we’re gettin old’ variety with an old friend the other day. My friends have been steadfastly at work popping out the next generation for years now. Yet we’re NOT old – not even close.

We’re just beginning to wake up, pry our third eyes open, and take some form of alternate responsibility for the world around us. Probably not such a bad thing, seeing as our elders are beginning to retire – if indeed they haven’t already – and some of us have even lost parents already.

I can’t even think of the dead as gone. They aren’t. They didn’t. They haven’t. We can’t. The longer I live, the more sense it makes on a deeply spiritual level to subscribe to the ‘one pot’ theory I’ve been hatching. That is to say that there is no other world, no other dimension. Unless they all overlay this here and this now, and just alter it slightly. No one goes anywhere.

All our beloved ones who’ve “died” merely ceased being on the physical plane – as far as I’m concerned. It never made a whole lot of sense to let my emotions be hijacked by people who claim to KNOW what happens after death – when I never will know with any certainty until I die.

I’ve maintained from very early life (stubborn or not) that there are some things I will not decide. I will not flip any particular switch up in my brainbox unless the reasons are entirely mine. I was born with an infinite amount of choice…despite what some family, teachers, friends, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, nurses, priests, nuns, fathers, bishops, missionaries, and witnesses try to tell me – I choose anywhatever to believe!

By all means keep parading your endlessly fascinating world of variations before my eyes! I will pluck out those things which speak to me and add them to my palette, my hat, my coat, my song, my life.

But I will not let anyone, anything, or anybody choose when I decide to believe or not believe any idea, theory, thought, or notion.

Sidestepping this sudden digression of intense honesty, I confess to some worry, insecurity, pondering, anxiety, dubiousness and doubt over the past few days.

Once more I have a brother up to his knuts in the sands of someone-else’s-desert.

I know that the zen hippies I know, the faith healers and chakra-minded always tell me to put it out of my mind. Let Brother’s choice be his choice. Do not worry, do not fret, etc…

But I raise the fact that I do not like to be uninformed or misinformed. (Shouted at, fear-mongered, bible-thumped or pandered to, either.)

I do my best to absorb news from dozens of sources and countries and aggregators. I watch news shows and listen to podcasts and streams. I occasionally sample disparate sources or lurk in forums thick with opposing views, attempting to cut through the fog. (Even though it is rarely other than disturbing.)

I attempt to provide for myself the whole picture that the US media couldn’t care less to give me unless it came with an endless supply of caffeinated corn-sugar water and viagra ads.

So I’ve heard/read about the Triple Canopy contracts in Iraq and Afghanistan, the soldiers and contractors killed by faulty plumbing and wiring in our supposedly safe installations overseas.

I’ve read about how even if they survive these conditions, the water that they use to bathe and drink is far more likely to be contaminated or unfit for human consumption than it is here at home.

I can’t even blame Obama for continuing to use these contractors when it’s been the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld method for so long, he literally has no choice but to use somebody. Imagine the backlash if all our troops in the Middle East just had to pack up and come home right-fucking-now because all the contractors disappeared!

I guess I can say that I’d rather know the truth than be happy but ignorant.

I love my country enough to learn and appreciate all its sundry ways of being capable of destroying itself, and dedicate myself to finding the safest ways to forever prevent that destruction.

Most of my fellow Americans, it pains me to see, love their country like Perfect Mommy who can do no wrong. When presented with the unthinkable, they throw a goddamn tantrum and embarass themselves.



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